flora's musings on whatever lies beneath the sun

okcupid

2009-05-25T15:20:07Z

(originally dated mon., jan. 14, 2008, 6:36 p.m.)

i'm not in love with anyone. no one likes me that way. i signed up on okcupid but i'm not getting messaged by the guys i'm interested in save for this old fat guy that i've been talking to. he is very unattractive to me and i don't think he's funny at all. he has commercials on myspace. YUCK! i have stopped responding to his emails. i hope he gets the hint.

it is getting harder and harder to go into work now. i don't know how much longer i can take this.

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who, me? you wanna hang out with me?

2009-05-25T15:12:30Z

(originally dated dec. 14, 2007, 10:42 p.m.)

it's the end of a rather long week. we had our christmas party this afternoon, on work premises. still, i managed to be my silly, just a bit sordid self and got my coworkers laughing their asses off. one said to me, "I've gotta hang around with you!" i took that as a compliment. i think i could be good friends with him. the food was ok, just average. there was loafcake to be had, and i think today was the first time i ever ate it. it was a bit too dry for my taste, but edible. not bad.

we now have a new employee on our team. she seems nice enough, but sat opposite us at the party. i don't think she will try that hard to be part of our team, which is too bad because i think we are a pretty damn cool lot. but that shouldn't matter, because it's all about the work, anyway, and she's proving to be a fast and furious worker, quite capable and sharp. this makes me feel slow and wooden and quite self conscious. she's also pretty, except for her haircut. i want to not like her, but i can't help giving into my womanly pettiness and jealousy. it's hard because i really try not to compare myself to other women, because i think i'm pretty damn cool just the way i am, ya know? my favorite thing is making people laugh, i love when they laugh at my jokes and silliness. and i hope they like my smile when I laugh. i dunno. i'm not that bad. i could be speedier at work, but i think i have latched onto a pace that i am now comfortable with and if they demand more from me then i will likely chafe at it.

oh well. we can't have everything be perfect, can we?

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it ain't quite the way they say

2009-05-25T15:10:24Z

(originally dated: nov. 6, 2007, 5:48 a.m.)

now the mornings are darker when i wake up. and the air is noticeably chillier. i must start wearing my sweaters again.

my coworker quit last week so the boss placed an ad online, touting our "great salary and benefits." i laughed. and laughed. it's hardly a living wage for living in los angeles. the rents are high here, but they don't seem to care. the office is full of older employees who have been there for 20 years, easy.

today is tuesday. maybe it'll be a better day than yesterday. maybe something miraculous will happen.

maybe i should play the lottery. no, i should DEFINITELY play the lottery.

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